Sunday, January 20, 2008

Little Monsters

The monster that I am, came from my parents, and not all of it is bad. I am a stronger person because of my parents, but some of the monstrous things I have done have no reflection on my parents. The things that I have done are souly my choices, and the only reasons that I have for living through them are because of the Lord, and my parents up bringing. I would like to believe that I have done some good things, and I am sure that I have, but sometimes the only things people remember are the bad. Maybe if they look back, they might see the good, even in the bad. You see someone had to make the hard decisions, someone had to make the bad choices, and as always, someone had to learn from them. There is no hand book for life, just guidelines and those are always changing. I am not a bad person, nor do I see myself as a monster, I have done some monstrous things, and I am sure that we all have. I may have created some monsters, and I am sure that some people still see me as a monster, be that as it may, I am a monster that I am proud of. As for the monsters that I have created, it is their choice to see it how they may, good or bad.

Some time in school, and I am not sure if it was high school, or grade school,I came up with the philosophy that “ if you don’t like the way I look, from across the room, stay there. You don’t want to take the time to find out who I am, I don’t have the time to try and impress you, not that I want to anyway. I am me, you can’t judge a book by the cover.” Kids in school at any age are mean, and can be down right vicious. Me included, I am not proud of it but that was the first step in creating monsters. As a kid I was just as confused or scared as the rest of them, I just found different ways to deal with it. In second grade, I found out about the power of a razor blade, in my little mind, a sharp blade could cut anything. I just had to find out what anything was, meaning that I tested the blade on everything. Bad idea, my parents were not impressed by that learning experience. Certain things from one’s childhood will always remain in your mind, good, bad, or otherwise. Some things we choose not to remember, and some things I refuse to tell you about. Only because I am not willing to let you know how messed up of a kid I think I was. I will say that I learned, at an early age, the meaning of power and intimidation, How do we get their attention? Shock them, make them wonder how far you will go, and then take it too far. Most of the time that I got in to trouble was because I took it too far, and was not willing to admit that it was me, that did this thing that I knew was wrong. You see big and bad was a great way of not having to show that you were scared or nervous.

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